Psalm 73 - Kelley Ramsey - Mother's Day Collection Day 9
Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
I wish I could wrap my arms around you today and tell you, “Sister you are seen, known, and loved. You are not alone.” We are bonded, part of this unwanted club we both unwillingly joined. Our stories are unique to us, yet we have much in common.
I know you, because I know myself, and I know my own journey, which in many ways is yours too, sweet friend. I know all too well the rawness you may be feeling in this season and during this holiday.
In the years of my hardest seasons, Mother’s Day was covered in unintentional pain from others and myself. They didn’t know how to protect me, and I didn’t know how to protect myself.
I remember that very first Mother’s Day on my journey of desiring to be a mom—I was at church hoping for solace and nearness to the Lord’s presence for my lonely heart. I guess it slipped my mind what day it was, but there I was… overwhelmed. I was a wreck, ugly-crying (way too loud for public) and deeply embarrassed by my outpouring of emotions I couldn’t seem to hold in. Yet, those tears became like a stream of healing and living water (John 7:38) for my hurting soul. Freedom poured over me as I tearfully surrendered my burden and allowed myself to let it all out. This was the first step towards healing for me.
Being known and seen at our heart level is healing.
A dear friend handed me a note and through my tears, I read it during the pastor’s well-intended celebration of mothers. She was lovingly bringing me back, she knew my only resting place was in the Lord’s truth. It was like a heavy rain I desperately needed on my empty and dry ground. The psalms were often that refreshment I needed. The psalmist’s words acted as my own prayers, pleas, praises to trust Him more. Even when I had nothing, the psalms filled in the gaps of my wordless attempts to make sense of all my feelings.
On March of 2012, in my journal, I wrote this prayer:
God be our portion in this time, we are weary, confused and lost. It’s been two days since the news of another failed treatment after two-plus years of trying and two miscarriages - how much more will we endure? I want to turn to you. But don’t know how. I’m lost for words and I’m frustrated in this emptiness. Please God speak right now I need to hear from you. I need your help.
A few minutes later, I wrote…
“My Portion” by Shane & Shane
Whom have I in heaven but You, I desire none but You.
My heart and flesh may fail, but you are the strength of my heart.
You are my portion forever, You are my portion forever.
Whatever things were gain, I've counted loss, I count it all as loss.
For the sake of my reward.
More than that I'm counting, everything a loss compared to this,
To knowing Christ my Lord.
Lord, you are my portion forever.
God was answering my pleas like the psalmist. The song that played was written directly from Psalm 73:25-26, which in the English Standard Version (ESV) is titled, God is My Strength and Portion Forever. The God of heaven and earth was reaching down to whisper… Here I am, I see you. Yes, I will be your portion, help and I am yours forever.
It was as if he was directing me through the song, just as my friend did, back to His holy words of truth. The Lord was reminding me where my focus had been misplaced.
"Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant … (vs 1-3a)
But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, (It was too great an effort for me and too painful) until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned (understood)... (vs 16, 17)
When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. (vs 21, 22)
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me into glory. (vs 23, 24) Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength (rock) of my heart and my portion forever. (vs 23-26)
But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works." (vs 28)
I had to read this over and over again for it to soak into my heart. Can you do the same with me? Today re-read this scripture. Then, ask yourself as I had to then and again now:
In light of my hopes, desires, and longings…
Do I desire God more than anything on earth?
Have I made the Lord my refuge, my safe place of comfort?
Do I rely on Him, knowing my heart and flesh will fail but He will be the strength of my heart?
Can I say (and do I truly believe) God is good to me even in this… even in my pain, my waiting and my sorrow that Jesus Christ is good, loving and near?
Be honest with yourself. He already knows, sees and hears your heart. So tell him. He is probably whispering to you too; I will be your portion, help and I am yours forever. Are you listening? Allow the psalms and God's words to lovingly remind you that He wants to be your only hope.
Much Love + Hope,
Name: Kelley Ramsey
Instagram: @kelramsey, @waiting.in.hope
Facebook: kelley.l.ramsey, Waiting.in.Hope
Kelley Ramsey is the founder and visionary of Waiting in Hope National Infertility Ministries (WiH). She helps launch new WiH local support groups throughout the country, casts the vision for leader training, group growth and community in each part of WiH. Through her own journey of years of waiting, infertility treatment, endometriosis, surgeries, miscarriages, roadblocks, adoption dreams, and a calling to step out and share, Waiting in Hope began. In finding purpose from her painful journey, Kelley has seen joy and hope take root and grow blooms of healing in her heart and thousands of others. She has a passion for discipleship, women, and couples finding their true source of hope, Jesus Christ.
Hi Friend, Ashlee here. Below is a song that I encourage you to listen to. I thought it would be a beautiful way to enter into worship as you begin your day and dwell on the Psalm above. Praying that you would feel the closeness and peace of the Lord as you walk forward today.